Wednesday, January 5, 2011

D20 as Nostradamus - The 2011 Predictor of Fates

WELCOME 2011. Here's to a new year with exciting opportunities to excel and fail upon my horizon.

Not so Private Confession (and slight giggle): my dear husband is a role player. In more ways than one ;-), he enjoys adopting alternate persona. He has been participating (often as DM) in a Dungeon's and Dragon's Campaign that has endured a wedding (his own), a death (my father), and many, many, many other less traumatic events with our family and friends. And for this particular role playing game (RPG), he requires the use of a D20 die. This special die has 20 numbered sides. When you role to resolve an action or add modifiers to a players aptitude; you have options 1-20. One is the lowest and twenty is the Critical Hit/Failure. Depending on what you are rolling for, either can be crippling and result in death or that chance you needed to get back up and fight a little longer.

As we are in deep consideration of purchasing a home together, we decided a smaller gift-giving extravaganza would be appropriate this Christmas. Along with six thousand pairs of socks, I bought him Atari pint glasses from Think and a red D20 die that lights up when you land on 20 - the Critical Hit.

                                                         Stay with me. There is more.

As he is so fond of games and challenges, this New Years Eve, he proposed that we roll to set personal goals for ourselves during the month of January. He really gets serious about new year resolutions...and this new, illuminating D20 gave him a snazzy toy to entice his audience into setting some serious and thought-provoking benchmarks for ourselves.

He was the first to roll. The Captain rolled for the number of meals he could purchase outside the home. His first roll was a 1. BOO! Remember, this impacts me as well. So, he opted to pay a fine to charity for the opportunity to re-roll. This roll was a 10. MUCH better. That means I get at least 1 mexican fiesta feast with him this month. Next, he rolls for how many push-ups he must do daily; 17 was the toll. Not too shabby. With a max of 20, that is an easy enough goal to mind daily. He must also post a whopping 18 blogs this month. That will be a challenge many are eager to see come to fruition. Dorge Kas (click name for link) puts out an interesting story and I for one will be tuned in. Lastly, he rolled for number of times he will go exercise at our local gym. He rolled 14. Easy enough.

SuperActionBear rolled for push-ups as well. His equallt super wife, SuperSarah, also jumped on the push-up wagon. The just completed a boot camp class - so they are really riding the fitness wave that is sweeping our nation like a wet cloth. Jean Grey rolled for the number of servings each of carbs and diet cola during the month she may consume. Upping the ante here, ladies and gents. Diet cola I can live without - but carbs? Ack! Many others joined in the fun and then it came to me. I am terrible at challenging myself and more than terrible at the challenge is sticking with it. Like a weak golf game, I have no follow through. My lack of will power and weaseling out of a goal that involves food, exercise or any manner of hedonistic denying is notorious. What possibly could my personal goal for January (hopefully to swell the tide to February and so forth) be when everyone in the room swore that whatever it was, I wouldn't stick with it so it really didn't matter. The dismissiveness of the remarks stung; the truth stings a time or two.

My grandiose gesture of sacrifice for January; how many times I will have intercourse with my husband. I assumed I would get a good laugh and move on. I guess my darling husband has been spilling some family secrets, because you could hear the clock tick when I declared my intent to roll. He merely mutteres a 'harumph' under his breathe and passed me over. Like any self-loathing wife I stood up, grabbed the die and rolled for his pleasures. As the little red die was rolling around on the wool carpet I was praying for a Critical Hit. Not so much becasue I wanted 20 sexual encounters, but the dramatic flair it would have produced is the stuff of legends. Alas, a 17. That averages out to every other day. I can do that. I rolled for the push-ups and gym visits too. But, I am certain that starting with a January like this, my husband may have a very good year.

Today is January 5, 2011. I have fulfilled 2 of my 17 engagments. Glorious and dirty. In part, because an entire room full of friends knows that on any given night, their friends are probably rolling to see how many times Mommy can spank Daddy. Or, how many time Daddy must refer to Mommy as Mistress during sex.

Ok, off to do those dammed push-ups.

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